Everything Happens for a reason

9A4D9658-825B-40F8-B4E0-6FAD4E4798ED24th December 2016 was the day I got my implant removed. We had spoken about this day for a while now and was really excited with what was to come. When getting the implant removed I felt slightly nervous, this was the next big step. Bringing a little us, a human being in to this world. We got told it can take 6months – a year for my body to adapt back to itself after using conception for so long. Time to get ourselves together and start putting those pennies aside. We were currently living in a one bed flat, so this was the first step . We wanted to find a 2 bed house with a garden ready to start our family. House prices were crazy silly in the town we lived (Borehamwood) so we decided to go further afield, a friend had recently moved to a town called Biggleswade and was telling us how much cheaper it was, so this was were we started to look. We found a perfect 2 bedhouse with a garden, suited us perfectly. As moving away from ‘home’ We decided we would rent for the first year to see how we got on. We both still worked close to our home town, so would now have the long commute to work. Something we were both happy to do.

We moved to Biggleswade March 2017 and settled in perfectly. We loved it! Best descsion we had made. Even if we did have the long commute. It all just worked out so well.

May 2017 I found out we were expecting, I couldn’t believe it! I thought it was going to take years. I remember sitting in the bath rubbing my belly, thinking wow there’s a little pip growing in there.The day after we found out I had to tell my mum and sister I just couldn’t hold it back. We made cards with little poems on, their faces when they read them, both over the moon and very excited.

We woke up the next day still not quite believing that we was having a baby! We sat in bed and spoke for ages about what was to come. Then I stood up, that was it, I started to bleed. I kept telling myself it was the implantation bleed and was nothing to worry about. We went out for the day to try and take my mind of it. We walked in to the shops and that was it I felt the biggest gush, I ran to a toilet and just didn’t now what to do. I managed to clean up and we went back to the car. We both just looked at each other not knowing what to do. We decided to go to a&e. The wait was horrible, i felt so uncomfortable I just wanted to curl up in a ball.

My name got called, I had to do a urine sample. It came up I was pregnant so they sent me up to the early pregnancy unit. I kept thinking maybe everything is alright. I got seen straight away, they scanned me and did an internal. I could just see it on their faces, I knew it was bad news.

Those words ‘I’m really sorry’

The world just comes crushing down, I tried not to show my emotions and walked out with my head held high.

We got home and I just crushed. Why me?! Why us!? Why our baby!? I had to keep telling myself everything happens for a reason and this just mustn’t have been the right time for us. It had all happened so quickly.

 

I hope you all enjoyed my first blog. It’s taken me a lot of courage to write this as I’ve always found it really hard to talk about. Thank you for your time xxx

4 thoughts on “Everything Happens for a reason

  1. I’m so sorry to hear your story.. but keep up the blogging! I’ve found it really helpful reading about other’s experiences and sharing my own, we’re not alone! I recently had a missed miscarriage and it was awful. Just let yourself be sad and look to the future! I look forward to reading more posts.

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  2. Im so sorry to hear about the loss! its so brave of you to write about xxx

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  3. Welcome to In The Thick Of It Blog 18th Oct 2018 — 10:49 am

    You are so right and brave to write about the hand you were dealt🌸

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  4. I know how you feel. I am now in my mid 50’s, but I had several miscarriages (in my 30’s) and a stillborn baby. Every loss was so difficult. I have 3 children, that I also had in my 30’s.
    It is brave of you to write about your experience and may help you through it. I’m sorry about your loss. Be gentle with yourself.

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